Dating Profiles of Famous Movie Scientists
By Anne Perry
Posted on June 17, 2015 in Film, Fun Stuff with tags
What would it be like to date Ian Malcolm? Doc Ock? Dana Scully? Who’s a great hugger? Who has a worrying obsession with genius sharks? We’ve assembled the most comprehensive database of dateable movie scientists ever yet committed to the internet. Read on to discover the answers to these questions… and many more.
Ian Malcolm (Jurassic Park, Jurassic Park: The Lost World)
Field: Mathematics
Specialty: Chaos Theory
Bio: Math isn’t boring – it’s sexy, especially when it’s in the form of that tall drink of chaos theory water, Dr Ian Malcolm. Dr Malcom’s ‘always on the lookout for the next ex-Mrs Malcolm’ so it’s time to dust up on the Butterfly Effect!
Pros: Great fashion sense; makes science totally hot.
Cons: Strongly attached to his cynical attitude and transition lenses.
Dana Scully (The X-Files: Fight the Future; The X-Files: I Want to Believe)
Field: Medicine
Specialty: Forensics
Bio: Proof positive that huge intellects can come in tiny packages, Dr Dana Scully is the medical doctor you’ve been waiting for your entire life. An inspiration for STEM-inclined girls the world over, Dr Scully will always be on hand to provide the rational explanation for your most outré theories.
Pros: Probably the smartest person you will ever meet.
Cons: Some might find her scepticism a tidge dampening.
Hannibal Lecter (The Silence of the Lambs, Manhunter, Red Dragon, Hannibal, Hannibal Rising)
Field: Psychiatry
Specialty: Psychological torture
Bio: Hannibal the Cannibal hardly needs an introduction; he’s the soft-spoken, highly educated, incredibly cultured, slickly-dressed Renaissance Man of your dreams. He cooks, he cleans, and he has a really great house. What more could you want?
Pros: Amazing chef; spectacular insight into the human mind means he really gets you.
Cons: Might break your brain for fun, and then eat you.
Dr Lily Sinclair (Chain Reaction)
Field: physics
Specialty: cold fusion
Bio: If you’re going to invent cold fusion (basically, free energy) and then get framed for blowing up the south side of Chicago, (where I went to college) you could choose no better person to go on the lam with than Dr Sinclair. She’s brave, she’s smart, and she runs around on the roof of the Yerkes Observatory, (where I used to work), like a champ. She gets my seal of approval!
Pros: Calm under pressure.
Cons: Married.
Prof Hubert J. Farnsworth (Futurama [what? they made some really long straight-to-dvd movies.])
Field: Mad Science
Specialty: Inventions
Bio: Sure, Professor Farnsworth is a little old – but that doesn’t mean he’s not a good date! Bald is the new man-bun, after all, and he has the mind of a much, much younger man. A much, much younger man who likes to take naps in the middle of meetings.
Pros: Unnaturally long-lived; owns his own business.
Cons: Forgetful; slight tendency towards casual cruelty.
Dr Emma Russell (The Saint)
Field: Electrochemistry
Specialty: cold fusion
Bio: A romantic who’s in love with a statue of Byron or Shelley or something, Dr Russell sees cold fusion as a way to make the world a better place. She loves poetry, long walks on the beach, and complicated men.
Pros: Solved one of modern physics’ greatest conundrums.
Cons: Keeps her notes in her bra.
Herbert West (The Re-Animator)
Field: Mad Science
Specialty: Corpse reanimation
Bio: Young, inventive and with his eyes on the horizon, handsome young med student Herbert West has his entire future ahead of him. Once he perfects his re-animating serum, the world will be his oyster!
Pros: Super enthusiastic about his work.
Cons: His work is super enthusiastic about him, too.
Dr Jane Tiptree (Carnosaur)
Field: Mad Science
Specialty: Interspecies reproduction
Bio: If you thought John Hammond had the dinosaur bug bad, you haven’t met Dr Tiptree. She’s so enthusiastic about bringing dinosaurs back to life that she’s created the ultimate human/dinosaur hybrid. By dating her you can become part of history! Literally!
Pros: Driven; really into dinosaurs.
Cons: May impregnate you with embryonic, genetically-modified dinosaurs.
Dr Clayton Forrester (Mystery Science 3000: The Movie)
Field: Mad Science
Specialty: Inventions
Bio: Dr Forrester has an amazing sense of humor and, where others might see a dim and dismal future, he sees opportunity. Also, he lives in a subbasement.
Pros: Amazing dress-sense; outsized personality.
Cons: Has previously demonstrated a tendency to imprison innocent maintenance men in space and force them to watch bad movies.
Dr Charlotte Blackwood (Top Gun)
Field: Astrophysics
Specialty: flight instruction
Bio: Why work in a lab when you can work for the military? Put that PhD to good use by teaching a bunch of hotheaded fighter-pilots which way is up. If that sounds like your dream date, then Dr Blackwood is your woman.
Pros: Amazing hair; sassy attitude.
Cons: Likes ‘em short.
Dr Frederick Frankenstein (Young Frankenstein)
Field: Medicine
Specialty: Reanimation
Bio: A direct descendant of the slightly more famous 19th century Frankenstein, young Frederick has a peerless scientific pedigree as well as a peer-reviewed scientific output. Also, he has amazing hair.
Pros: Owns a giant castle and has a loyal man-servant.
Cons: Yells a lot; sews corpses together and brings them to life.
Dr Susan McAlester (Deep Blue Sea)
Field: Genetics
Specialty: Alzheimer’s research; sharks
Bio: Sure, it seems like a bad idea to genetically enhance sharks so that they become super-smart. But you’re trying to find a cure for Alzheimer’s. What could possibly go wrong?
Pros: Trying to make the world a better place.
Cons: Created super-smart sharks.
Dr Seth Brundle (The Fly)
Field: Physics
Specialty: Teleportation; accidental mutation
Bio: A good romantic life has inspired Dr Brundle to feats of extraordinary scientific advancement in the past; just imagine what dating him now could achieve!
Pros: On the cutting edge of his field.
Cons: Is a giant disgusting bug.
Darcy Lewis (Thor, Thor 2: The Dark World)
Field: Social science
Specialty: trotting around after forgetful astrophysicists
Bio: Lewis may not have earned her PhD yet, and that PhD might eventually be in the social sciences, but none of that matters. What is important is this: she’s an ace with a one-liner, which is definitely the most important quality in a romantic partner.
Pros: Hilarious.
Cons: Has a crush on a demigod.
Dr Bruce Banner (The Avengers) 
Field: Physics
Specialty: Nuclear physics
Bio: Dr Banner is the sweetest, shiest, dorkiest physicist you could ever hope to meet. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.
Pros: Incredibly sensitive.
Cons: Bit of a temper.
Nyssa (Blade II)
Field: Vampirism
Specialty: Neurotoxins
Bio: You’re a vampire. You win, right? Nope, not when there are reapers in town. Reapers, you see, are mutated vampires with three-way jaws, leech-like sucker tentacles, hearts encased in bone, and a bad attitude. Also possibly their fangs have poison in them, though I haven’t rewatched Blade II in a long time. Pretty sure that’s a thing. Anyway, Nyssa, a normal vampire, is good enough at vampire science to figure this stuff out.
Pros: Can detect neurotoxins by scent.
Cons: Vampire.
Doctor Otto Octavius (Spider-Man 2)
Field: Physics
Specialty: Nuclear physics
Bio: In retrospect, it seems fairly obvious that a physicist called ‘Otto Octavius’ might eventually accidentally graft four extra arms onto himself, rename himself ‘Doctor Octopus’ and turn to villainy. But, you know, he did it for love.
Pros: Great hugger.
Cons: A little single-minded.
Dr Elsa Schneider (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)
Field: Archaeologist
Specialty: Jones boys
Bio: Tall, unflappable and excited by really old stuff, Dr Schneider’s knowledge of early Christian history and archaeology are an invaluable resource when you’re trying to track down missing relatives (who are also into early Christian history and archaeology).
Pros: Knows how they say goodbye in Austria.
Cons: Nazi.