Dating Profiles of Famous Movie Scientists

ian malcolm

By Anne Perry

Posted on June 17, 2015 in Film, Fun Stuff with tags

What would it be like to date Ian Malcolm? Doc Ock? Dana Scully? Who’s a great hugger? Who has a worrying obsession with genius sharks? We’ve assembled the most comprehensive database of dateable movie scientists ever yet committed to the internet. Read on to discover the answers to these questions… and many more.

Ian Malcolm (Jurassic Park, Jurassic Park: The Lost World)

Field: Mathematics

Specialty: Chaos Theory

Bio: Math isn’t boring – it’s sexy, especially when it’s in the form of that tall drink of chaos theory water, Dr Ian Malcolm. Dr Malcom’s ‘always on the lookout for the next ex-Mrs Malcolm’ so it’s time to dust up on the Butterfly Effect!

Pros: Great fashion sense; makes science totally hot.

Cons: Strongly attached to his cynical attitude and transition lenses.

 

Dana Scully (The X-Files: Fight the Future; The X-Files: I Want to Believe)

Field: Medicine

Specialty: Forensics

Bio: Proof positive that huge intellects can come in tiny packages, Dr Dana Scully is the medical doctor you’ve been waiting for your entire life. An inspiration for STEM-inclined girls the world over, Dr Scully will always be on hand to provide the rational explanation for your most outré theories.

Pros: Probably the smartest person you will ever meet.

Cons: Some might find her scepticism a tidge dampening.

 

Hannibal Lecter (The Silence of the Lambs, Manhunter, Red Dragon, Hannibal, Hannibal Rising)hannibal

Field: Psychiatry

Specialty: Psychological torture

Bio: Hannibal the Cannibal hardly needs an introduction; he’s the soft-spoken, highly educated, incredibly cultured, slickly-dressed Renaissance Man of your dreams. He cooks, he cleans, and he has a really great house. What more could you want?

Pros: Amazing chef; spectacular insight into the human mind means he really gets you.

Cons: Might break your brain for fun, and then eat you.

 

chain reactionDr Lily Sinclair (Chain Reaction)

Field: physics

Specialty: cold fusion

Bio: If you’re going to invent cold fusion (basically, free energy) and then get framed for blowing up the south side of Chicago, (where I went to college) you could choose no better person to go on the lam with than Dr Sinclair. She’s brave, she’s smart, and she runs around on the roof of the Yerkes Observatory, (where I used to work), like a champ. She gets my seal of approval!

Pros: Calm under pressure.

Cons: Married.

 

professor farnsworthProf Hubert J. Farnsworth (Futurama [what? they made some really long straight-to-dvd movies.])

Field: Mad Science

Specialty: Inventions

Bio: Sure, Professor Farnsworth is a little old – but that doesn’t mean he’s not a good date! Bald is the new man-bun, after all, and he has the mind of a much, much younger man. A much, much younger man who likes to take naps in the middle of meetings.

Pros: Unnaturally long-lived; owns his own business.

Cons: Forgetful; slight tendency towards casual cruelty.

 

elizabeth shue the saintDr Emma Russell (The Saint)

Field: Electrochemistry

Specialty: cold fusion

Bio: A romantic who’s in love with a statue of Byron or Shelley or something, Dr Russell sees cold fusion as a way to make the world a better place. She loves poetry, long walks on the beach, and complicated men.

Pros: Solved one of modern physics’ greatest conundrums.

Cons: Keeps her notes in her bra.

 

herbert westHerbert West (The Re-Animator)

Field: Mad Science

Specialty: Corpse reanimation

Bio: Young, inventive and with his eyes on the horizon, handsome young med student Herbert West has his entire future ahead of him. Once he perfects his re-animating serum, the world will be his oyster!

Pros: Super enthusiastic about his work.

Cons: His work is super enthusiastic about him, too.

 

carnosaur diane laddDr Jane Tiptree (Carnosaur)

Field: Mad Science

Specialty: Interspecies reproduction

Bio: If you thought John Hammond had the dinosaur bug bad, you haven’t met Dr Tiptree. She’s so enthusiastic about bringing dinosaurs back to life that she’s created the ultimate human/dinosaur hybrid. By dating her you can become part of history! Literally!

Pros: Driven; really into dinosaurs.

Cons: May impregnate you with embryonic, genetically-modified dinosaurs.

 

dr forrester mst3kDr Clayton Forrester (Mystery Science 3000: The Movie)

Field: Mad Science

Specialty: Inventions

Bio: Dr Forrester has an amazing sense of humor and, where others might see a dim and dismal future, he sees opportunity. Also, he lives in a subbasement.

Pros: Amazing dress-sense; outsized personality.

Cons: Has previously demonstrated a tendency to imprison innocent maintenance men in space and force them to watch bad movies.

 

top gunDr Charlotte Blackwood (Top Gun)

Field: Astrophysics

Specialty: flight instruction

Bio: Why work in a lab when you can work for the military? Put that PhD to good use by teaching a bunch of hotheaded fighter-pilots which way is up. If that sounds like your dream date, then Dr Blackwood is your woman.

Pros: Amazing hair; sassy attitude.

Cons: Likes ‘em short.

 

young frankensteinDr Frederick Frankenstein (Young Frankenstein)

Field: Medicine

Specialty: Reanimation

Bio: A direct descendant of the slightly more famous 19th century Frankenstein, young Frederick has a peerless scientific pedigree as well as a peer-reviewed scientific output. Also, he has amazing hair.

Pros: Owns a giant castle and has a loyal man-servant.

Cons: Yells a lot; sews corpses together and brings them to life.

 

deep blue seaDr Susan McAlester (Deep Blue Sea)

Field: Genetics

Specialty: Alzheimer’s research; sharks

Bio: Sure, it seems like a bad idea to genetically enhance sharks so that they become super-smart. But you’re trying to find a cure for Alzheimer’s. What could possibly go wrong?

Pros: Trying to make the world a better place.

Cons: Created super-smart sharks.

 

jeff goldblum the flyDr Seth Brundle (The Fly)

Field: Physics

Specialty: Teleportation; accidental mutation

Bio: A good romantic life has inspired Dr Brundle to feats of extraordinary scientific advancement in the past; just imagine what dating him now could achieve!

Pros: On the cutting edge of his field.

Cons: Is a giant disgusting bug.

 

darcy lewisDarcy Lewis (Thor, Thor 2: The Dark World)

Field: Social science

Specialty: trotting around after forgetful astrophysicists

Bio: Lewis may not have earned her PhD yet, and that PhD might eventually be in the social sciences, but none of that matters. What is important is this: she’s an ace with a one-liner, which is definitely the most important quality in a romantic partner.

Pros: Hilarious.

Cons: Has a crush on a demigod.

 

Dr Bruce Banner (The Avengers) bruce banner

Field: Physics

Specialty: Nuclear physics

Bio: Dr Banner is the sweetest, shiest, dorkiest physicist you could ever hope to meet. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Pros: Incredibly sensitive.

Cons: Bit of a temper.

 

blade 2 nyssaNyssa (Blade II)

Field: Vampirism

Specialty: Neurotoxins

Bio: You’re a vampire. You win, right? Nope, not when there are reapers in town. Reapers, you see, are mutated vampires with three-way jaws, leech-like sucker tentacles, hearts encased in bone, and a bad attitude. Also possibly their fangs have poison in them, though I haven’t rewatched Blade II in a long time. Pretty sure that’s a thing. Anyway, Nyssa, a normal vampire, is good enough at vampire science to figure this stuff out.

Pros: Can detect neurotoxins by scent.

Cons: Vampire.

 

doc ockDoctor Otto Octavius (Spider-Man 2)

Field: Physics

Specialty: Nuclear physics

Bio: In retrospect, it seems fairly obvious that a physicist called ‘Otto Octavius’ might eventually accidentally graft four extra arms onto himself, rename himself ‘Doctor Octopus’ and turn to villainy. But, you know, he did it for love.

Pros: Great hugger.

Cons: A little single-minded.

 

elsa schneiderDr Elsa Schneider (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)

Field: Archaeologist

Specialty: Jones boys

Bio: Tall, unflappable and excited by really old stuff, Dr Schneider’s knowledge of early Christian history and archaeology are an invaluable resource when you’re trying to track down missing relatives (who are also into early Christian history and archaeology).

Pros: Knows how they say goodbye in Austria.

Cons: Nazi.

 

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